I never imagined my body would rebel from me the way it has. My thesis project is literally suffocating me and the worst part is the only person who helped me yesterday only helped because I give very good advice apparently.
I felt like Malificent when she woke up and realized her wings were gone. Around ten pm it felt as if someone ripped my wings off, followed by choking, followed by throwing up. After this I calmed myself down and collected all my fiber things and moved it to my studio space, and left space for me to lay down.
Listening to my Yurima playlist really calms me down, but then Cannon in D started playing. So being extremely pathetically honest I’ve been talking to this one guy secretly for two years and till yesterday I realized it was just a game… (Ridiculous of me I know…) and the thing is, if you knew how wide i’d smile anytime I’d see him or such, you’d think I’ve found the real thing, or so I thought.
Any who as I recollected myself I was laying down in fetal position and I couldn’t move a muscle and as tears rolled down my face I blacked out. And I’ve never ever wanted to disappear so bad before…
Now later on my friend found me there and I realized this because suddenly I woke up by his voice, but then he continued with his love dilemma. And what sucks the most is I’ve never felt more alone.
Here he is talking about this amazing girl and how he’s madly in love with her regardless of the distance while I’m single as fuck. So you can imagine exactly how excruciating it’s become to listen to each word. Although I’m glad to help, irregardless of these emotions.
I’ve never felt this alone before….
The only positive part is, this is absolutely amazing for my art work. Every piece included I’ve spiritually put my whole self into. I’ve put myself to sleep wrapped around some of the sections religiously. Which reminds me, maybe I do need to go to church again.
It’s not like I hate mass, I just hate feeling so worthless inside a church. But ce la vie…
Let’s see what’s to come next.